| entertainment |
[Aug. 1st, 2008|09:39 am] |
I love Avatar
I am such a nerd
It's a kids show. On Nickelodeon. BUT IT'S SO GOOD! Just watch this:
SEE? IT'S A 45-SECOND INTRODUCTION AND AREN'T YOU AT LEAST INTRIGUED??? AND THAT'S IT! THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW. Jump into the deep end, kids, because that's all the exposition and backstory that's required!
As much as I love things like LOST and The Wire with their deep mythologies, you know what? Sometimes, there's nothing wrong with a simple kids-show backstory that gets introduced before the credits, like that or Power Rangers:
RECRUIT A TEAM OF TEENAGERS WITH ATTITUDE. that's all you need!
Ugh. But another thing with far more backstory than will ever be necessary, that I continue to torture myself with for some unknown reason, is Twilight.
I am going to ignore conventions and taboos about spoilers, because, to be honest, it's not worth it. But seriously, Bella, all you do all day is whine about your stupid boyfriend, your stupid werewolf boyfriend, and do your dad's laundry and make him dinner. And faint at the sight of blood, and still want to become a vampire? I would even be half-okay with the gender roles you so comfortably deposit yourself in, IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH AN UNHOLY DUMBASS. Oh gee, a scary vampire intruded into my house, and half my clothes are missing...THAT MUST MEAN ALICE CAME BY WHEN I WASN'T HERE AND TOOK THEM FOR THE FAKE SLEEPOVER WE HAD! Boy, am I glad I am a straight-A student who writes essays on feminism for my English class, because clearly I have no real intelligence to do anything worthwhile.
And I swear to God, if I find one more FREAKING plot hole...the hardest thing a fantasy or sci-fi writer has to do is create their universe, right? I mean, nobody cares too much if character development is mediocre, and literary merit and writing style aren't really a main concern, but you're expected to create some kind of universe that is entertaining to read about. First of all, Meyer didn't really *create* much of anything. It seems like all she really did was watch a few episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and say, "Hey! No one's done that with a brunette before!" But even that's forgivable, because, whatever, I mean there is no copyright on vampires, Bram Stroker's dead, so who cares? BUT FOR GOD'S SAKE. When Tolkien made Middle Earth (and I know I'm comparing her to one of the best in the genre, but hear me out), he created races with religions and histories so deep and complex, which was awesome, but what was even more awesome is that IT ALL MADE SENSE. Nothing looped back on itself in a way that defied logic, even the fact that Elves are immortal unless they're killed is forgivable. Meyer's universe is a fraction as complex and rich as Tolkien's, but she can't even manage to keep track of everything. One second, Jacob can only read the minds of the other members of his pack when he's in werewolf form, and the next he's embarrassed because they can hear everything he's saying to Bella? And if these spoilers about half-vampire babies are true, then I'll be SO ANGRY because I swear to God it said at one point that all bodily fluids turn to venom once you become a vampire. And maybe Meyer should get a lesson in anatomy, because this not only includes blood, but piss, semen, and SALIVA too. Which means Bella should already be a vampire, especially if she's had any canker sores.
Anyway
That was a mild...okay, pretty substantial rant. Sorry about that. I'm super bored at work all the time, that's the only reason I'm reading this tripe. That and the fact that the only thing my college degree is really good for is feeling smug about bad literature. |
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